


Mind if I check you out?

by Aminias



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Peter, Fix-It, Humor, M/M, Stiles Pickup Lines, love at first snark, only T for pick up line content, save the day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:44:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aminias/pseuds/Aminias
Summary: How Stiles saved Season One with Pick up lines





	Mind if I check you out?

**Author's Note:**

> That's my kind of fix-it
> 
> Marked T for language in pick up lines 
> 
> Fear flirting babbling confusing the crud out of this alpha wolf who gets more sane and eventually replies

 

 

The thing about Stiles is his brain tends to function like a mac with to many computer tabs open that is to say he feels sleek and top of the line some days and like Microsoft eight other day.  Yah know the 2006 model with the little fan going whir whir. 

Always opening exactly the thing you don’t want, thoughts folding and flipping around from one colored topic to the next pouring out of his mouth. See it wasn’t that he was the speak now think later type or vice versa. When Stiles was born there was something severely lacking. An ailment that only made itself apparent when it was far too late. He had no filter.

 

If his brain thought it, his mouth said it. This resulted in diverse conversation and trips to the principals office.  


 

Now this curse only affected him when he was nervous manifesting itself in new embarrassing ways. Like right now for instance. 

When faced with an eight-foot tall hell beast, Stiles pulled out the greatest weapon in his arsenal. The bane of bar goers everywhere: pick up lines.  

"Are you from Tennessee cause you're the only ten I see.” The muzzle drew back.

He breathed a sigh of relief the beast continued to regard him with intelligent crimson eyes.

"Stiles what the hell.” Scott shouted having stopped to try and be a hero.  

"Guess that confirms if he understands English." He muttered. 

"Either that or he thinks we're scrumptious snacks." His companion countered inching away.

"Don't be a Debbie Downer Scott.” Stiles chastised 

The distraction was all he needed to escape. The creature may have been able to smell his scent from miles or leagues or whatever but he had nothing on the Stilinski charm.  


 

* * *

 

There was a hulking monster chasing him and what did he do? Disengage all forms of filter thats what.  


"Did it hurt when you fell from. “ The alpha’s maw opened sharp teeth gleaming and took a step closer. Stiles could feel the hot breath of his mouth and struggled to maintain eye contact as it sniffed him. 

“Oh God ok.” Stiles whimpered raising his hands placatingly brushing rough fur. The werewolf jerked back. 

“Noted. .crawled up from Hell. .You are Satan. The creature huffed and tilted its head.

"I think he liked that one"

"He tried to maul you!"

"See improvement I think we should note the tried besides who says I'm opposed to a little mauling"

"Dude gross"

"I can just imagine it."

"TMI Stiles we talked about this"

"No I talked and you didn't listen does a little situation with Allison ring a bell"

Stiles shoved Scott over. Honestly, he loved his best friend but there was only so much rhapsodizing about one girl a guy could take. 

“Yeah well, tonight this Han doesn’t want to fly Solo. So book it, Scottie.” 

“Gross.” His friend laughed as they ran around the school. He counted it as a win. 

 

* * *

 

The next time he had the pleasure of meeting the big bad he wasn’t wearing quite so much fur. 

Actually, he was at the hospital of all places. Stiles fumbled with his phone heart racing. His eyes met calm brown ones for what felt like the first time. 

 

There was a well-dressed man addressing him from the entry way his suit form fitting and excellently tailored. . Wait holy shit that was - he dropped the phone. 

“ How much does it cost to date you cause damn you look expensive.” 

You can’t fault a guy ok it’s not like he knew this was the same big and toothy. 

 

“You must be Stiles.” Peter Hale down right purred and the younger man arched like a cat. It was a natural fear reaction bristling in defense to make himself look bigger. Not cause the guys rumbly scratch tone was doing it for him. 

 

“That’s me good enough to eat er Stiles!” 

 

Evil villain coat check, snazzy dress shirt check, slicked back hair, double check shiny shows check. Self-assured smile, the curl of those lips!  Stiles stumbled backward. It was unfair for any living human to look that blatantly good. evil. Evil yes completely sinister and he had never found Loki to be the most attractive out of the guys in the Avengers nope.

 

“Aside from being sexy what do you do for a living.” 

 

“Dude.” Now a lot of things can be said in the language of Dudes’ but in this instance, Stiles brain had kind of flatlined and his mouth was going into cardiac arrest this was the last word he could grasp.

 

“Dude,” Scott replied sharing a look with him.

 

“Dude,” Stiles repeated mouth open. 

 

“I know,” Scott exclaimed placing a steadying hand on Stiles' shoulder. 

 

“You think Derek’s Uncle is smoking hot too?” Huh. He’d thought his bro was all up in Allison's space but looks like he had competition.

 

“What! No! But I was thinking about your. addiction.”

“To Peter? Damn straight that ass won’t quit.”

“Right so I’m taking Allision to the dance.”

 

“Cool.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“This is nice the two of us. . .together alone.” Stiles waved his arms emphasizing the parking garage. 

 

"Do you want the bite, Stiles."

"I want . . . "

"Yes?"

"To punch you in the face. . . with my lips."

Peter scarcely blinked. A slow sly smirk unfurled itself on his face and it only made Stiles' knees wobble more the infuriating bastard. 

“It’s just uh. .. you look.” 

“I look what.” The other man purred red eyes meeting his. 

“Fabulous!” Stiles' cheeks were flushing he knew it. “For your age that is. .” Peter crossed his arms. 

“Give me your keys.”

“Is it sure it's only my keys you want.” 

Peter just stared. Dammit Stiles coming on too strong. 

“Could always uh stop by my house!” Stiles yelped as Peter tugged him closer.

“Why ever would I want to do that?” One eyebrow arched he had no right to be this sexy Stiles was going to arrest him for public indecency. Not if his dad didn’t first cause once Stiles got his hands on Peter.

“I plan to treat you like homework. .” Stiles trailed of breath coming in fast as Peters' fingers traced his jaw. The touch of those warm calloused hands soft but firm. 

“I had no idea this was a study date.” Peter drawled still forcing Stiles to meet his gaze.

He wet his lips. “Cause I will slam you on the table and do you all night long.” 

Peters' eyes flickered down to watch Stiles tongue. Score. 

“Where do you even come up with these little euphemisms.”

“Euphemism eh practices to live by and I like to practice what I preach so how about we.” Stiles waggled his eyebrows ridiculously unable to help himself.

Peter scoffed actually scoffed. His nose did a little wrinkled and the laugh lines around his eyes crinkled. Laugh lines he had laugh lines! Adorable.

“So -”

“I’ll be taking this now.”

“Uhh,” Stiles replied. “Wasn’t I supposed to eat you somewhere?”

“Isn’t that my line?”

“There are eight planets in the universe, but only seven after I destroy Uranus.”

“Really? Don’t stop now keep digging the hole.”

“Since I have the floor did you know my fathers the Sheriff. Cause’ You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?”

“Woah there cowboy.” The older man drawled making as if to leave. 

“Wait!”

“Peter looked back at him and arched his eyebrow.

“I’m not trying to impress you or anything, but… I’m Batman!"

“Fine get in the car.”

“What?”

“Its the winter formal tonight is it not?”

“Yes.” Stiles blinked.

“We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.

The once dance could not have ended sooner. Stiles had been in processing mode for the last hour still not over Peter’s well Peterness. The way he’d suavely charmed everyone and gallantly danced him around the room. 

“If I’d known all it took to shut you up was to agree I may have done it sooner,” Peter smirked opening the door. 

“My bed is broken may I sleep in yours.” Stiles coyly asked. 

 

“Oh, not at all darling that is if you don’t mind less than the average six hours.”

 Suddenly they were speaking the same langauge. 

“Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.” He coughed. 

Peter huffed out a laugh. 

“Your shirt has to go, but you can stay." Stiles all but tore the offending garment from his body and watched it slide to the floor by the foot of the bed. 

He flushed under the heat of Peter’s gaze and grabbed the hem of the mans v-neck. Mostly it was an excuse to hug the mans abs.  


“Can I offer you a five to begin the show?”

“No,” Peter stated. Stiles flinched but the man only tugged him close.

“ You know what this is?” Peter purred sending delicious shivers up his spine.

“ Boyfriend material."

 


End file.
